20160 Minutes

2 weeks; 14 days; 336 hours; 20160 minutes; 1209600 seconds....

However you measure it, that's how long it's been since I wrote my last blog.

That's a day short of how long it has been since I met who I believe to be the love of my life.

Don't ask me how I know. It's nothing you haven't read in cheezy love novels, or even status updates of 16 year olds on facebook. However, I've come to learn that even the most in-love, iconic, "perfect" couples are still learning what love is to them. When you meet someone new and start to develop feelings for them, you start telling each other you love each other. Then something tragic happens and you part. You try to erase them from your past and realize that it wasn't love. Then the next one comes along and the process repeats.

However, I think if I were to be truely honest with myself, (and perhaps if you were with yourself too...) I could look at all my past "loves" and realize that although I had strong feelings towards them, I never came to the state of "not being able to see myself without them." I could see myself with any one of them but Brian...well, Brian I can't see myself without. In a matter of two weeks he has made a home in my heart and not just him but his son, his mom, his dad, his sister, his brother, his friends, hell even his dogs!

Call me crazy but I just know I'm going to marry this guy. I've gained a new family, new friends, the love of my life and a new perspective on my life. As it's probably been noted by my previous blogs, I was severely depressed before I met him. I had given up on God, Love, Family and ever being a successful human being.

But now....well, now I'm just plain excited. I realize that everything in my life up til now has just been shaping me to become the person I am today which just happens to be the one that Brian fell in love with and that's all that seems to matter to me right now. He gives me courage, hope, joy, life and even thrill.

He's my best friend and my lover. I can't wait to live a wonderful life with this man and I've only known him for 20160-ish minutes.

And Suddenly the World Seemed So Far Away

Where to begin, I'm not even sure. As apparent in my last blog, I'm not a hopeless romantic. Until now I've felt like Van Gogh...rejected by God and Love with nothing left but my art. And my art doesn't even make me millions. But me as I am today has found me in the presence of someone who has changed how I look at connections, flirtations, relationships, expectations, and realizations. I'm an open-minded person but I'm trying to learn how to read people regarding who is good for me and who isn't. I always end up being so wrong. I was so wrong about him. He was open and up-front. He lives an honest life-style and does what he can to get by. I was afraid he was just like all the others but he's not. Hmmm song lyrics will help me explain what I feel for this guy. My brain is too twitterpated to connect my thoughts in an educated fashion.

-You were meant to be near me and I want you to hear me say we'll be together everyday.
-Dont pass me by, don't make mecry, don't make me blue cause you know darlin I love only you.
-Take a look around and see that you and me are meant to be.
-I want you, I want you so bad it's driving me mad.
-Life could be a dream, if you would tell me I'm the only one that you love.
-If it feels this good getting used, than just keep on using me until you use me up.
-Boy, you've left me speechless
-You've popped my heart seams
-I only wanna be with you
-Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one
-It cannot wait, I'm yours
-Scootch on over closer dear and I will nibble your ear.
-The magic word is any word so just say it.
-I only have eyes for you.
-My perscription isnt quite 20\20 but you're the only thing thats focused in my view.
-If you grew to be too old and scared to dream I would whisper the wills of the things you once believed in.

When obsessed with a man, what is a girl to do?

Dare to Dream of Love

Erik Erikson believed that we go through seven major stages in personal development and at the beginning of each new stage there is a crisis. There is one crisis that deals specifically with the decision to join other humans or to be alone. Some would say that Mr. Erikson was wrong because everyone automatically chooses not to be alone. I don't know how this stuff works but I know I feel as though I'm going through this crisis now.

I'm beginning to wonder about true love and it's existence or not. I'm sure many of more educated men and women have studied the subject and written about it. But I feel like there are only two options that currently exist. You're either a realist and see a couple that doesn't fit together and think "she could do better". Or, you're an idealist and see this same couple and think "they're in love." So is it desperation that drives the gorgeous girl into the arms of the fat, ugly, bald guy? Or is he her someone, the one she wants? I don't know.

But what I do know, is what I see. I look at my parents. They found out they were pregnant with me just months after they met.  They're still together by some divine intervention but I don't believe they are soul mates. Yet they are too afraid to break apart and find someone more like themselves. Perhaps they're afraid that anything better is just a fairy tale. But I don't believe that they have "settled" because they have good times together but they would make better friends than life partners in my opinion.

I look at my brother and his wife. There was no pressing matter that forced them into marriage. There was no child, no money in it, perhaps time was looming over them with my sister in law being close to thirty and wanting to have kids at some point soon. So, they married...fast. Although she deals with my brothers anger problems and anxiety better than anyone I know, it is still the most pathetic marriage I've ever witnessed. It's a buisness deal, a machine, a system, a deal, even a game. She cheats on him emotionally so they move out of state for him to find my best friend and "fall in love" with her overnight. So they're even. Once that wave has passed, it goes back to her being his personal slave and him abusing her verbally and emotionally every day out of frustration towards her ignorance about close to everything that matters.

I don't know that I've ever believed in true love, even outside of romance. But I used to find hope in my relationships with my friends. My best friend since child hood knows my ins and outs. She reads me like an open book and we can be continents apart for a year or more with no contact and pick right back up where we left off. But thats just it, I practically beg to spend time with this girl anymore. It used to be so easy when we were kids. I would just walk two houses down. Now, we're grown up. She has a kid and is in school to become a nurse. I'm still living at home, working part time and going to school full time. I know she still loves me and I, her. We're both busy but it goes beyond that. She's replaced me with someone in a similar situation to hers. A girl who had a child young and is now a single mother. Any spare moment she has (which is rare) is spent with this girl. I don't feel like a real "best friend" would replace you. You shouldn't have to beg for your best friends attention.

So, in middle school I started hanging with this group of people. At the time, we were extremely similar and became in seperable. We took our friendship very seriously and believed that one day we would all be 80 and talking about the good ol days. I suppose it's still possible. But we've all changed so much. We began to be busy with our own lives and goals. We still hang out but after having different jobs, schools, boyfriends\girlfriends and making new friends, we've drifted.

Then I look at my current close friend. We only met a little over a year ago but we relate and we support each other. We have fun when we hang out together and I genuinely care about her. But I feel like we lack the history. I feel like without knowing each other not just as we are but who we used to be is important and I can never give her that, nor can she give that to me.

So where is the real love? Where is the true love? The Disney classics have trained me to believe there is someone out there that will fill in the blanks of my happily ever after. But if that doesn't exist in the way that Walt painted it, should I settle? or make the decision to be alone?

I'm exactly 3 months shy of 21. And to date I've had 4 men ready and willing to marry me. Two proposed and the other two already told me they had plans to. Being that I am in a state of availability you can guess what my answer was to all of them. Not only did I reject them but I RAN! I can't even commit to getting to class on time the next day and they want me to commit to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Dear Future Boyfriends,
Don't ask me because that will be the day I leave you. Call me afraid to commit but I've been in love before and it wasn't enough to make me say "I do."
-Jessie

Grandma's Hands

I feel as though this blog has become a neglected ghost town, just waiting for the day that it will be rediscovered by historians who see stories of love and hope etched within it's walls.

My usual topic retracts back to music whether I intend it to or not. Let's see if I can be intellectual about my feelings in this blog without going back to music. I'll also let you know ahead of time that this blog is going to be more emotional than previous. I apologize for adding more sadness to this already weeping world.

By all definitions of the word, whether you use dictionary.com, urbandictionary.com or good ol' Miriam Webster, my life is a state of helter skelter presently. I suppose it all started May 21st 2011. That's the day that my great-grandmother passed away. I don't believe there ever was a college student as close to her great-grandmother as I was. She was just shy of 81 years old...I am just shy of 21 years old. It's very rare to for someone my age to even have a great-grandmother, much less have a relationship with her.

She went into the hospital right before finals at Antelope Valley College, a sunday to be exact. I thought she would make it out like she always did. She made it through plenty of heart attacks, strokes, hip replacements, asthma attacks and seasons of pneumonia. What's a little trouble breathing and a headache? Apparently it was the end. I walked into the hospital room Monday afternoon to see the shell of a woman that I once knew. I was frightened by what I saw. I expected to see the usual when "Mimi" went into the hospital...my great-grandmother wearing different clothes and an IV in her arm. But this woman, I didn't recognize. She was pale, shaking, and unable to speak or communicate. She was hunched over to one side and made everyone aware of her pain when nurses tried to straighten her fragile body. Her eyes wouldn't meet my gaze as I searched her face for the woman I knew. It became quickly clear that I only had a short time with her because the real "her" was fading in and out. I'd like to think that Jesus was walking with her over the next few days but I cannot be sure. All that I am sure of is that sometimes, she was there but most of the time, she was not.

I was off Tuesday, just two days before she was to pass. I sat by her bed side morning to night stroking her face even though the doctors strongly believed she could have menengitis which is highly contagious. I knew that wasn't what it was. It was just her time and unfortunately it was painful for her. I waited patiently for the real her to come through. It was afternoon. I can't tell you the exact time but she could because my Mimi remembers time almost down to the second. She lifted her head a little off the cold, paper hospital pillow and with a very weak, broken, tired voice she said I love...you. I could barely understand it and almost didn't believe I had heard what I had heard. She hadn't spoken any bit of sense to anyone in weeks.To be completely honest I didn't even say it back. I smiled briefly then began to cry, mostly to myself. A tear ran down my face and I watched her fall back against her pillow and become lost again in that state of barely being alive. My grandfather walked in and startled me back into the jaded, quietly strong girl that I had become to my friends and family since I first saw my best friend in this state.

I stayed by her side into the evening on tuesday but decided to leave for the latter portion of the evening once my mother arrived, to keep my sanity. Wednesday is a blur for me. I know I worked in the morning and had school in the afternoon. I had the oppurtunity to see her Wednesday evening but my heart sank at the thought of going through the emotional roller coaster that I endured Tuesday, so I went to my friends for an escape. I regret that to this day but I've been told everything happens for a reason. Thursday morning around 6:25am, she passed away. This was how I was told: I was asleep, dreaming about the last few days. I woke up to my mom's voice. Not as harsh and hurried as it is on any other natural thursday. As soon as my eyes opened I had a flashback of the day my aunt passed away. I knew what was going on when I saw my mom emerge through the haziness of my own eyes. At that moment my own feelings were cast aside instantly, not by any fault of my mom or my own. This is just how I function. My mom sat on my bed and said plainly "Your Mimi passed away this morning". I threw my arms around my mom and told her "it's okay, shes no longer in pain." I held my mom and let her cry, fighting back my own tears. Beyond that, there was not much else spoken between the two of us that morning.

My mom rushed to the hospital to be with my Grandfather. I got on the phone to deal with my arrangements for work. I would like to paint a better picture of my workplace with this story but there is no way of doing that. I called right at opening. A woman I work with who is considerably older and more soured by the world's negativity answered the phone with a new, early morning hate for whoever was to be on the other end of the line. After she greeted me with a "hello?" I said "Hello, this is Jessica." Apparently there was a bad connection and my co-worker decided it was better to hang up on me, than to try and establish a better connection but not before a pig-like grunt of disgust as if it was my problem that the connection was bad. I re-dialed the number and was met with an even more firey greeting of "HELLO?!?" I calmly explained my situation and thanked her for dealing with me. Battling her negativity was not going to be an option today so I let it go.

What was to come next is extremely private and I would be concerned for your well being if you wanted to know about my trip to the hospital and the second to last time I see the hands of great grandma that once held me.

My journey after however, is to be posted at a later date.

SAVE THE ARTS CLASSES!

Rob and Ruby

 Let me tell you a little story about one of my favorite subjects...MUSIC!

I have this friend who is musically inclined to say the least. He plays guitar, piano, harmonica, ukelele and of course sings with the voice of an angel. *sigh*. I wish that I had these talents but I still thank the good lord above that I do have some aristic ability in the ways of painting, theater, photography and of course writing. (You can disagree, that's fine.)

So, when I heard my good friend, Ian McCartor sing his original work, a song called Rob and Ruby I decided I had to do more with it. I can't sing the song but there must be somewhere else I can take it. I decided to take it to NaNoWriMo, short for, National Novel Writing Month. This takes place in November. You have a month to write an entire novel of 50,000 words and the best novels win prizes. I knew I wouldn't be able to put out a good piece in a month but it would push me to get a jump start.

The song Rob and Ruby is about a girl who has decided to save herself for the right guy. She meets a guy named Rob who is very different from her but when Rob wants to make his move, he is stopped by his own persecution about the innocense that is written on her face.

Although the song represents only a moment in time, I feel like it would be easy to write a whole story about the two. The song also starts off like this: "An old man told me an analogy, about a guy named Rob and a girl named Ruby." When I hear a character without a story, my mind starts reeling. I decided (with Ian's permission) that the old man is Rob and he tells people his story to remind the younger generation of the worth of someone who doesn't give themselves up to anyone.

HOWEVER, this has become one of the hardest challenges I've yet to overcome artistically. I still have no idea if Rob and Ruby end up together, how they meet and I've even thought about killing Rob. I don't know how Ian would feel about that but he knows I'm writing the novel. I started the novel in November of 2010 and got the general idea of who Rob and Ruby are before they meet and how they function from day to day. They are both college students but Rob just barely skates by to be allowed to stay in the dorms whereas Ruby lives life a little less frivolously.

I don't know why this has been so difficult for me. I know my biggest dilema is whether or not to go with realism or idealism. Idealy, Ruby keeps her innocense and changes Rob's heart to wait until they are commited. Realistically, Rob sways her and best case senario, they stay together. 

My plan is to make a decision before November of 2011 so that I can get yet another boost and try to get a few thousand words done in a month. I will have to let you all know how that goes. Any ideas would be welcome in the comment portion of this blog!

Vanilla Ice Vs. Queen

If you are a child of the 80's and 90's you probably think of Queen and Vanilla Ice when someone mentions sampling trials. It's a huge problem in the music industry, and not just because musicians like to sample each other without permission but because a lot of artists claim sampling to gain the publicity or music. It's a very blurred line and often times there is no defining rules, just the opinion of the judge preciding. In the case of Ice and Queen, they were settled out of court for undisclosed sum when Ice's song reached number 1 in the U.K and Argentina. However, there was one difference for Ice to stand on. There was an extra note thrown into his music that wasn't in Queen's song. But would it have held up in court? It's common for artists to settle out of court, which is possibly why it is a problem. Because any artist who hasn't "made it" yet can claim their music was stolen from a huge artist and make money and fame overnight just over the accusations alone.

However, there are also positive cases of sampling. Sometimes bands get each other's permission before using the music. For example Weird Al's whole career is reliant upon artist permission to use their music and manipulate their words. He's taken the biggest names in music and thier biggest hits and turned them into comedy genius. He turned "You're beautiful" to "You're pitiful" and "Gangster's Paradise" to "Amish Paradise" and "Ridin Dirty" to "White and Nerdy". But there are also serious artists who sample and cover each others music and it's perfectly acceptable once an agreement is reached about how it will be used. For example one of the artists I mentioned in a previous blog love to use other people's music. They are the Beastie Boys. As destructive and rebelious as they can be, they do get permission from artists that they sample from like Santana. They don't try to copy the music and call it their own. They just take it and often change the form to pay respect to their favorite artists. The Beastie Boys often speed up the music so you know what it is but it's adapted to the tempo that the beastie boys work in.

Over the years sampling has been given a bad rap. The word has a negative connotation to it. But clearly there are positive and legal ways to deal with sampling.

Go and Buy the CD (like you know that you should)

If you are familiar with Weird Al Yankovic, you know his favorite thing to do is make fun of anything and everything. Music Piracy is no exception. One of his most famous songs is called "Don't Download this Song.



Although it starts off as a message about the dangers of pirating music, it ends with making fun of the money you are taking away from artists who already have billions of dollars that they don't know what to do with.

Although this video is funny, I've recently changed my mind about downloading music illegally. I'm not really worried about income of record labels or rich and famous pop stars however if you ever look at the punishment for getting caught, its not worth it.

But on the other hand, the gov't and the International Registration of Artists and Artworks have intentionally made the fines of those they catch extremely high to scare people from doing it. Although, in reality, they are much to busy with more serious crimes to look into people suspected of downloading music.

For a while illegal music downloading was such a problem that the price of buying music online went up from an average of $.99 a song to $1.30. If pirating music continues it is only going to get worse but will the musicians ever really "suffer"? I don't think so. Anyway you look at it they get paid big bucks to do what they do right along with their labels. But will the consumer really suffer? no, because they will just keep downloading for free and not pay the price. So really who is suffering? Only the honest consumer.

I think the ball is in our court now. Do you risk getting caught and charged thousands of dollars per song for free music? Or do we go the honest route and keep suffering the price of music because of all of the others out there that will continue to download music illegally no matter what? It's a personal choice but I personally don't take the risk anymore.

The way I look at it. If you absolutely love the song, album or artist than you shouldn't have a problem spending the money to support a good artist. If you don't love the song, album or artist enough to pay the retail price for the music, than it certainly isn't worth risking jail and thousands of dollars.

A Thirst For The Paranormal

I'm so excited about this blog because I get to justifiably talk about one of my favorite subjects and favorite TV shows. My favorite subject would be the paranormal and my favorite show would be Ghost Hunters. Part of this comes from the fact that I, myself am a ghost hunter. And once again I alienate my readers before I reach even the second paragraph. But, I've never much cared in my writing and I'm not about to change.

Some may not consider Ghost Hunters on the SyFy (science fiction) channel a reality tv show because the truth behind the subject matter is questionable and the network it airs on doesn't exactly promote the truth. However, I really hope this show lasts for years to come, until they reach the holy graile of evidence for the paranormal. Although they have already found so many voices, shadows and moving objects...it's just never enough for people because it scares people to believe that there is something that we can't control and harness like the rest of the natural world. If another world exists and we can't always see it but yet it has the power of physical manipulation of our natural world, how are we supposed to sleep at night?

But, I'm getting alittle ahead of myself. For those of you that don't know, Ghost Hunters is about a paranormal society called TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) who go into haunted locations and look for scientific evidence to back up the stories. They use a completely skeptical, scientific approach by setting up cameras, recorders, electro-magnetic field detectors and other equipment to capture some sort of proof of existence for whatever is going on at the location.

This one always makes me a little uneasy....



This was caught on live Tv. You can say it's fake, it's someone behind the camera or whatever but there are too many starnge occurances in the world and too many people who believe it because of personal experiences. And I will say this, if you ever have a true paranormal experience you wouldn't think people are so crazy for watching these shows.

I think this show appeals mostly to people who have had a paranormal experience and want to understand it more or people who believe it's possible and want to learn more about it. Suprisingly, that is a large number of people.

When the TAPS team first started they were working out of a trailer. They now have a hugely succesful tv show, hundreds of thousands of dollars worth in equipment and their own office. I think this boils down to the fact that people are interested and probably will remain interested. It's been airing since 2004 and has only gotten more and more popular each season.

Call me crazy but next time you hear or see something you can't explain, don't rule out the paranormal.

Rhymin and Stealin

Alright, let me first just establish I am...er, um, caucasian. I'm not a huge fan of rap but I have nothing against it and do have respect for alot of the artists in this genre. So when I was posed with the idea of chosing someone I considered a "gangsta-rap" artist, I decided to go for a stretch. I chose the Beastie Boys. I know for a fact that most readers will already have a preconcieved idea about how wrong I am from this point on but let me explain (please).

Most people know about the Beastie Boys by their famous song "Fight for your right (to party)" from 1986. It is considered a rock- rap crossover song and has no real characteristics of gangsta-rap. However, if we look at the rest of the album "License to Ill", we find all the characteristics of a gangsta-rap group. According to allmusic.com, gangsta-rap is classified by abbrasive lyrics with profane, witty tales of urban crime and sex.

For example, there is a song on the album called "Paul Revere". It's supposedly about the day the Beastie Boy's all met each other. Here are some of the lyrics.

"He put the gun to my head and this is what he said, "Now my name is M.C.A. I've got a license to kill. I think you know what time it is, it's time to get ill. Now what do we have here? An outlaw and his beer. I run this land, you understand. I make myself clear?" We stepped into the wind he had a gun, I had a grin. You think this story's over but it's ready to begin. "Now I got the gun you got the brew. You got two choices of what you can do. It's not a tough decision as you can see, I can blow you away or you can ride with me" I said, "I'll ride with you if you can get me to the border. The sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter...I did it like this, I did it like that I did it with a whiffleball bat. So, I'm on the run the cop's got my gun and right about now it's time to have some fun. The King Adrock, that is my name and I know the fly spot where they got the champagne."

In this paragraph alone, you can see the violence, profanity, breaking the law and certainly the gang aspect since they "ride" together. Although the Beastie Boy's angle on story telling can be very humerous I believe it still fits the qualifications of gangsta-rap. Later in the song when they meet the third Beastie Boy "Mike D", they hold up a bar together. Adrock even mentions "wasting two kids that ran for the door". I'm not great with the urban dialect but I know this means shooting them. The last line of the song is "Mike D. grabbed the money, M.C.A. snatched the gold. I grabbed two girlies and a beer that's cold." It's clear that although funny and entertaining, the Beastie Boys choose to portray themselves as gangsta-rappers (with a twist).

I think alot of people would disagree with me for the reason that when you picture a gangsta-rapper, typically you picture african-americans living in Compton who rape, steal and murder. Not 3 caucasian best friends with beards who grew up in Brooklyn and have no real criminal history or drug addiction. In fact, all three Boys were raised Jewish in upper-middle class homes.

It's hard to tell whether or not the group would agree that they are gangsta-rap. They have many websites, blogs and social networking sites. Some say they are gangsta-rap, others say hardcore-rap and some even say hardcore punk (which was their original genre). But, gangsta-rap is derived from hardcore rap so I stand behind my decision to consider them gangsta-rap.

oh yeah....here she is!

One Swift Lady

I'm hesitant to say I'm going to write this blog about a famous young lady named Taylor Swift. I'm not exactly a huge fan of her work but to each his own. She fits the criteria for the topic at hand, an artist that has crossover appeal. If you don't believe me (I don't know why you wouldn't), turn the radio on to a country station, then to a pop station, then country, then pop, then country and back to pop. Sound the same? That's because it is. It's Taylor Swift. I'm still scratching my head about why country fans like her. She was born and raised in Pensylvannia, she sounds like a pop star and her lyrics don't consist of any of the following: My spouse cheated on me, I'm drunk, I love america. She says her influences are Dolly Parton, Shania Twain, the Dixie Chicks, Patsy Cline and LeAnn Ryhmes but I don't hear it.

Regardless, they both like her. I believe she even won an award for best country-pop crossover. Here is the best I can come up with: she actually plays an instrument unlike most pop artists (and it's accoustic) so she has a patriotic, country girl feel. However her beats are up tempo, usually are about teenage crisis which is typical of pop music and she young! To proceed we have to accept that pop music is short for POP-ular. What's popular is what is "fresh", "young", or "new". And please, before I go any further, don't get the image of madonna in your head. Yes, she is the queen of pop. But ask yourself this...would you feel "popular" attending her concert right now? I doubt it. If yes, that's fine as well but you're dilusional about what is really "in". (It's okay, I am too) If you attended a Taylor Swift concert? Probably more popular. The hottest pop artists are usually young. If you pay attention, you'll notice that the biggest pop star of that day, week, month or whatever is usually in their twenties. But, I digress.

If you've been living under a rock, than here is what you need to know. Taylor Swift is BIG. She's big in country and she's big in pop. If you have a female daughter, cousin, or neice between the ages of 8 and 18, you probably already know this. She's a perfect example of an artist with crossover appeal. I don't really understand why, but it's true. The proof is in the music.

"Confounding the Images"

In order to even begin this blog I had to really analyze this term. I could have chosen another topic to discuss but this phrase challenged me to understand it better. I was confused by it even when I read it from the context in which it came. The "images" are never clearly pointed out in the article. It's a simplified term for a grander list of topics. In the article there are many images discussed. There is the image of adolesence, the image of men and women and their sexuality and the glitter-glam side of rock and roll. What images are confounding? Or which images are being confounded?

I'm going to go with my first instint on this and say that the "confounding images" are when rock and roll, sexuality and adolesence are all mixed into one "scene" so to speak. David Bowie was one of the first main stream artists to really blur the line between these and make it one large topic.

Another group similar to this (perhaps even a little more controversial) would be Queen. You take rock music which, in its beginning stages, was intented to be kick-ass, in your face, roughness and turn it into something feminine. And not only is it feminine but it's still coming from the in-your-face standpoint and from a man. It's truely a unique experience that still isn't explored very often. There are alot of homosexual or feminine forms of rock but rarely do they make it to the mainstream. An example of this would be The Darkness. Although their music is from a heterosexual standpoint, their theatrics are very feminine and glittery. And because of this they are either openenly embraced or outwordly hated by critics. They aren't a fly under the radar kind of band where they are too mediocre to either hate or love.

I personally love this kind of music, where there are no black and white lines. There are gray areas, blended areas and meshed ideas that don't always necessarily seem to go together from the naked eye. It's a true art from. And I have to bring up again the famous idea that true art is formed when you try something new and even out of your comfort zone.

The F***ing Prince Of Darkness

"Witches at black masses", "Evil minds that plot destruction", "Satan laughing, spreads his wings"...to me nothing could be a scarier concept than Witches, Evil plots of destruction and Satan's pleasure. So naturally, to hear a song with these strong words and phrases would automatically give the musician a negative connotation in your mind. This is a demonstration of the power of music and the effect it had on Ozzy Osbourne.

Before I even get to any other point, let me say I'm well aware that Ozzy isn't a ray of sunshine. His topics are dark topics BUT they do NOT encourage dark behavior. They point out the darkness in the world that needs our attention.

The lyrics above are from a famous song he wrote called "War Pigs". In the song "Witches at black masses" is a comparison to "Generals gathered in their masses". The "Evil minds that plot destruction" are people who plan war tactics and "Satan laughing spreads his wings" is about the pleasure he gets from watching the sin that man has fallen in; "On their knee's, the war pigs crawling. Begging mercy for their sins. Satan laughing spreads his wings."

The whole point of the song, now that it has been broken down is clearly to point out the evils of war and the people who plot them. The song is called "War Pigs" for a reason. People who promote the killings of other human beings to "solve the world's problems"  is bad news.

Because of songs like this, Ozzy Osbourne has been labeled as the Prince of Darkness. He embraces the nickname because it is part of his theatrical act but society seems to see him as a dark, negative image in rock and roll music.

BLABBERMOUTH.COM published this article about church groups protesting Ozzy's performance in New Zealand:

A crusade is looming as church groups prepare to take on heavy metal heavyweights poised to play in Wellington [New Zealand] over Easter.

Wellington pentecostal church Lifepoint says the lineup of bands — including former bat-biter OZZY OSBOURNE and KISS — are "not appropriate" and will have "negative influences" on the city during the two-day Rock2Wgtn festival on March 22 and 23.

I wonder what religious groups would have to say if they heard lyrics of his like "Hand of God has struck the hour. Day of Judgement, God is calling."

If you don't believe me, take the F***ing Prince of Darkness' advice....

Responsibility

If you walk into a sex shop with some very obvious name like "naughty things for naughty people" (clearly, I made that name up...), would you expect there to be a sign on the door that says "WARNING: THIS STORE MAY CONTAIN MATERIAL THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE FOR SOME SHOPPERS (such as children and young adults...)"? I would laugh if I saw such a sign at a place like that. It is a sex shop, it's advertised as a sex shop, it's values are only limited to how dirty the community they operate in is in the bedroom.

I feel that this could apply to a record store as well. Although record stores tend to have a variety of different music, every buisness has a target class of people. If you are going to a record store to buy an album, I don't believe it is the record stores responsibility to tell you what you are engaging in when you buy their product. I work 2 jobs, one being at a department store. When someone buys a blender we don't tell them "This blender has blades inside of it. They could cut one of your fingers off!" If you are buying an item, you should have full knoweledge of what you are buying before you purchase it. If you are unsure of whether or not this item could be harmful or in this case, contain "bad" lyrics, than you can certainly ask.

If a record company, for the integrity of their buisness would like to pay the money to have advisories posted on all of the music in their store, that is completely their choice and I can respect that. Should a company have to? I don't believe so.

Let me also state though, that I do not have kids so I cannot FULLY understand a parents concern in that area but I do have plenty of younger cousins and nieces and nephews that I watch very closely. Furthermore, without parental advisories I can tell what is good and bad for them or appropriate for their age level. My eight year old cousin wants to listen to some Disney Channel star: fine. She wants to listen to Lady Gaga and Rhianna: not so fine. If you really care about what your kids are listening to, you can easily do the research yourself without the companies having to take responsibility for YOUR kids. Perhaps what you deem as appropriate for you child is different that what I deem appropriate for my child. It's your kids, your parenting style, your decision.

A Young Passion for Music

I'm going to jump right into this and say that Bloom was definitly making an overgeneralization to say that young people cannot take seriously anything alien to music. I agree that in all stages of life, I've observed that the most passion and "spunk" for music comes from young people; pre-teen, teens and early 20's. I think this stems from all the changes that are taking place in people's lives at this point. Starting from when you hit puberty all the way until you have graduated college and have your own place, you are constantly changing and growing. There is the first few years of puberty, then highschool, driving, college, bills, getting your own place, minimum wage jobs..there is always something going on to stress about and like every adult knows from experience, it becomes overwhelming. Music is powerful and has healing properties. At this age it's easy to find comfort in the songs that make you feel less alone when you are going through these things.


When I was younger one of my favorite songs to play was "Wonderful" by Everclear. It talks about kids who are promised that "Everything is wonderful now" but the kids know whats really going on (divorce, bankruptcy, fighting..etc). The kids tell their parents "How can you smile with all those tears in your eyes? I don't want to hear you tell my everything is wonderful now. I don't want to hear you say that I will understand someday." There was a lot of secrets in my family that emerged when I was still pretty young. I found out my brother was only my half brother. He had a whole other family on the other side of the country and he was leaving us for them. He had another little sister on the other side of the country and he was leaving me for her. That's how it felt to me. My parents used to say some of the things in the song like "One day you'll understand." and "Everything will be better someday" but I didn't believe them anymore. When you feel like you can't trust the people around you, you trust music and musicians because what they say makes more sense to you than what your parents said or the music talks about how you feel when things happen to you.


What I'm still trying to figure out though, is why that passion and that draw fades away as you get older. When you are very young I can understand why the extent of your musical passion is the itsy bitsy spider. But why do adults not have the same longing to listen to music 24\7? Even in the last few years of my life I've noticed I don't have to have music with me everywhere I go. My walkman, cd player, ipod...used to go with me everywhere I went in previous years. I still love music but I'm not as obsessed as I once was. Maybe as you get older you learn to cope with lifes issues in healthier or just different ways so you don't NEED it so much, just enjoy it.  Regardless, I agree that young people have an unmatched passion for music that rarely exists in other age ranges but I don't think it is ALL young people and I KNOW it is untrue that they can't take seriously anything alien to music.

Analyzing Music

Today a question was posed...is it useful to analyze music? I guess really that depends on what your definition of analyzing is when it comes to the arts. Is it simply exploring the possibilities on why, how or when it was created? In my experience, most of the time this is not the case. When I think of analyzing music, I think of people sitting back asking "What's the point of this? Why is the music so fast\slow? Why doesn't this song have lyrics? Why are they screaming?"...etc. This annoys me. Like Kurt Cobain said "Art is Expression. In Expression you need 100% full Freedom and our Freedom to Express out Art is seriously being fucked with." Real art is created when you take risks; exit you comfort zone and explore it. My old acting teacher taught me that. It makes it really hard to leave our comfort zone when people won't allow us to and are judging or "analyzing" our expression. Expression doesn't need opinion, it needs acceptance. I believe that is what Kurt Cobain is talking about when he said "Our freedom to express out Art is seriously being fucked with." In this day and age we think art has to be accepted by the majority and in order for it to be considered legitimate, we have to get the approval of not only our peers but the "professionals" like MTV, VH1, the record company or whatever "professionals" exist that are critiquing your form of art.

I've been involved in theater since I can remember and people always ask me why I haven't done any community theater lately and that's because of this very topic. I've found that in this valley there is a certain criteria for the people they cast in the plays every year. It's not necessarily bad, just bland and heavily judged by others. Almost every actor I speak to is talking smack about someone else's performance from the night before but are best friends to each other faces and are all in the same shows together. I guess that works for some people but not me. I can understand slim pickins' in this valley for people who have the schedule to be in plays and are interested but I don't understand judging other people's expression of art.

Maybe I'm getting slightly off topic but the point I'm making is that, from my experience "analyzing" music sounds formal, judgemental and getting away from whatever it is that the musician would want you to experience. Like Copland said in our article last week, a good listener should be unbiased and the reaction to the experience should come from the musical experience not the logistics of it. The beauty of music is that it follows no real pattern. There are a million different genres and a billion more sub genres. You want rock? cool! Classic? Alternative? Punk? Emo? Metal? Hardcore? New Age? Crossover? Acid? Ambient? Christian? Drone? Electro? Folk? Garage. Okay, Okay you get my point! It's endless and if there was criteria to be analyzed and critiqued and judged, those wonderful sections and subsections wouldn't exist. It wouldn't be unique or pleasurable for the listener.

The History of Music in my Life

I’ve always had a solid foundation in rock and roll music thanks to the influence of my parents. My mother always had classic rock playing while she was cleaning house and my father always had some form of rock on the radio when he drove around town. However, it’s safe to say I did some exploring on my own. As I grew fond of the Christian faith and began attending church on a regular basis I also gained a respect for worship and gospel music. I bought a lot Christian music and even soundtracks to movies with similar music like “The Fighting Temptations”. I collected almost all of the albums in the “Wow Worship” Series up to date. I knew all the worship songs that were popular of that time and my favorite thing to do was sit in my room, lie on my bed with my eyes closed and dream about the things the songs were about.

Nonetheless, I’m an adventurous and curious creature of change.  That being said, it’s obvious that I continued onto a new genre. I’ve always loved the theater but until recently stayed away from musical theater because of the fact that singing isn’t my strong point in music but my best friend in high school was and is in love with musical theater. He basically tricked me into watching a popular movie based off a Broadway play, Chicago. Even though I knew I would never star in it, I found myself singing the soundtrack anyway. I quickly racked up some more favorites and had a pretty good collection in my iPod. It ended up being a smart endeavor for my acting education as well.

Behind all of my dabbling in other musical genres I always kept up with pop music and held on to my passion for rock and roll. I began to really focus on it when I went to my first classic rock concert. I will never forget it; it was Aerosmith at the Staples Center. I never felt a rush like that in my life and I held began attending every concert I could including Foreigner, Pink Floyd, Slash, Ozzy Osborne, U2, what’s left of the Doors and the Beach Boys and plenty more. They are all experiences I wouldn’t change for anything and that is where my true passion is. All of that to say that my taste for music changes from time to time due to the people that I consider close to me. However, my drug of choice will forever be rock and roll whether it be new or old. I think this has to do with my deep rooted desire to be a free, wandering spirit and my willingness to accept everyone as long as they want to have a good time and don’t like to submit to a repetitive, boring lifestyle.

I have to admit my music taste also is very representative of my fashion sense too. You can never go wrong with converse, jeans and band T-shirts and that is something I live by.

Music

Music is one of the single most important components in my life. I've been collecting vinyl since I knew what music was. I guess this goes along with being raised by parents that also had music be a big part of their life. If its possible, music runs through my veins. Every member of my family has been actively involved in the music industry. My great uncle owns a recording studio that writes and records music for major artists and also does jingles for major industries like JC Penny. My other uncles are in bands and my great grandma toured Europe playing the organ for a traveling orchestra and choir. These are of my more successful family members but everyone in my blood line has a similar story. I started playing the ocarina when I was in elementary school, mainly because it was different and I wanted to stand out. Then my great grandma tried to teach me to play the organ but that wasn't my "style". So eventually I fell in love with the bass guitar and started playing for my highschool youth group. I quit when it became a job and not a passion. I still play Ocarina to this day and I still love that it's different but I've also grown attatched the culture behind it. It's one of the oldest known instruments and it has a pure sound that, to me, is timeless.

All that being said I guess it's easy for me to say that music is major part of the community, local and world-wide. No matter what store, resturant, office building or even elevator you go to, music will be playing over the intercom. Alot of studies have even shown that certain playlists can affect the minds of the customers in stores. If management puts the right station on, they might sell more of their products or keep the customer coming back. It's one of the most successful industries and fastest growing. Negative lyrics affect the minds of children and positive can cause people to have "out of body" experiences which is why music is such a fundamental part of any type or religious service that you attend. It can affect your mood and your attitude. There are websites like 8tracks.com that have playlists for every occasion or mood you can think of including one for "lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling." It's powerful in the sense that it's popular. It can reach millions of people and is dangerous enough to be banned by government officials if it's message is controversial or sways the minds of people who hear it.

Although my life has an un-ending sountrack and I will never stop listening to it, I still learn more about it on a daily basis because there is always a new band, new song, new album, new artist. So my natural goal for this english class that I'm enrolled in is to learn more but also understand music on a level that I haven't before. It's a first for me that a teacher uses music in a class that isnt under the music section in the course catalogue. So, I'm excited to look at music under a new light and find ways to utilize and appreciate it in a new aspect of life.